I just threw away my refills, deleted all my e-mails
from family without examining so I could sleep well.
Been neglecting my reality to drown in inkwells.
I'm standing on the ocean shore listening to seashells
to guide me from this labyrinth I wove into the fabric
I stress over, obsess over, but I'm missing over half of it.
Am I a cataclysm waiting on a catalyst
or just a hollow body helping balance out the abacus?
Counting out the callouses I've earned from paving my own way
and carving my own niche and digging my own grave
'cause when I'm lost there isn't one of you cold get me home;
only one I follow anymore's the fucking metronome.
And all that's set in stone and guaranteed is whiplash
as I switch tracks from turbulent to calm and then just switch back
'cause one moment no warning I'll go from being alright
to gone, off the rails like a college kid on bar night.
Internal turmoil is turning me nocturnal
'cause I can't escape this maze 'til I examine every kernel
of denial and anxiety, trials that have mired me
ironic that I need that hail mary 'cause I'm spiraling already.
Five seconds of the fourth quarter gotta make it work,
going for it on the third but I need a second first.
So my lines stay defensive, looking for my zen again
but there's a couple things that keep me pumping that adrenaline:
like wondering if I should lock my door more
Half you only wanna kick it when there's shots to pour, or
half the crowds that come on down to shows and say they feel it
missed my hell in 2012 when I was keeping it the realest.
They're all about the one line punchlines, fun times
I've always been the one to take the thunder over sunshine.
Would I be risking fans by saying when I started rappin'
never meant to be the shit that shit just happened?
Yo, let's set the record straight, I know I've gotta learn a bit
but honestly I feel like when I'm on a beat I murder it.
"But his lyrics aren't that versatile, to personal to turn a hit.
He's to damn emotional." well shit, I've come to terms with it.
And I'll never drop the stupid "Young" from my rap name.
I chose it so I'd fit in now I can't ditch it for that same reason.
I'm more than over following trends
just keeping up these soliloquies 'til it hollows my pen.
Yeah, let me draw it again:
Just keeping up these soliloquies 'til it hollows my pen.
Down on my luck and it's killing me like I'm callin' roulette.
Don't give a fuck if you're feeling me, I'm just scrawling to vent.